Needed a click, Just a click. waking up from the devilish thought that creep within. CLICK - it's like referring to a light bulb animation when u pop up with a new idea. To me , to recover. i needed a click.
It often takes lots of thinking and logic evaluation of my current situation. This is how i handle myself. My mind is constantly filled with thoughts, and it's rather hazardous, there were times where smashing my head into the hard concrete unforgiving wall is an option! It's amazing, if i got my click, it's like waking up from the bad dream, everything i see would be beautiful, even a pile of garbage i would appreciate.
Me now. In Copenhagen.. and today would be my 5th day here. My depression ever since i arrive is still there, it didn't subside at all but instead it got shifted to somewhere in between frustration and stressful. Every night , if i am not too tired, i do always reflect on myself, just sort of reminding myself where am i at, am i ok, and some other random intimate questions. It's a conversation with myself, my spiritual self, encouragement, and this few days, i thought, what did i get myself into.
I had a short class today, it just worsen my situation, requiring me to stay in uni for sept 2 - sep 30 from 9am to 5pm, no weekends (just knew it today), no holidays, just work and produce. Being a workaholic myself not only a perfectionist, i am usually excited with this statement. I would have get so pumped up. But this time round, there are too much other things pulling me down. hrmph... and i'm not afraid to admit.
A lot, i think, would have killed for a spot like mine, getting another exchange to another country and all. Even i would kill for it. And this time round, this 2nd exchange to Copenhagen, i actually did it by force..I was actually reluctant to apply for it. My body wants it, but my mentality refuse it. I know i would get grumpy the first few weeks (now), and maybe either feeling neutral or happy the next few...I know it would definitely benefit me and define me more as a being. Stronger identity, growth in thinking, network building. It really got me now. Didnt know my brain really hates it that much.
And ps. i'm not usually like this, all emotional and weak, thats because i always shut the fuck up, and move on. Expressing is not wrong, even crying is not wrong, not sure why people make a big deal about it. I'm a being after all.
And yes.. I'm expressing now.
Let me find my "click"
It often takes lots of thinking and logic evaluation of my current situation. This is how i handle myself. My mind is constantly filled with thoughts, and it's rather hazardous, there were times where smashing my head into the hard concrete unforgiving wall is an option! It's amazing, if i got my click, it's like waking up from the bad dream, everything i see would be beautiful, even a pile of garbage i would appreciate.
Me now. In Copenhagen.. and today would be my 5th day here. My depression ever since i arrive is still there, it didn't subside at all but instead it got shifted to somewhere in between frustration and stressful. Every night , if i am not too tired, i do always reflect on myself, just sort of reminding myself where am i at, am i ok, and some other random intimate questions. It's a conversation with myself, my spiritual self, encouragement, and this few days, i thought, what did i get myself into.
I had a short class today, it just worsen my situation, requiring me to stay in uni for sept 2 - sep 30 from 9am to 5pm, no weekends (just knew it today), no holidays, just work and produce. Being a workaholic myself not only a perfectionist, i am usually excited with this statement. I would have get so pumped up. But this time round, there are too much other things pulling me down. hrmph... and i'm not afraid to admit.
I miss my family, I miss my companionship
I miss my laughter, I miss people who knows me,
I miss Poland, I miss my previous erasmus friends,
I miss familiar food, I miss cooking together,
I miss the weather, and I miss the warmth from a person.
.
.
.
A lot, i think, would have killed for a spot like mine, getting another exchange to another country and all. Even i would kill for it. And this time round, this 2nd exchange to Copenhagen, i actually did it by force..I was actually reluctant to apply for it. My body wants it, but my mentality refuse it. I know i would get grumpy the first few weeks (now), and maybe either feeling neutral or happy the next few...I know it would definitely benefit me and define me more as a being. Stronger identity, growth in thinking, network building. It really got me now. Didnt know my brain really hates it that much.
And ps. i'm not usually like this, all emotional and weak, thats because i always shut the fuck up, and move on. Expressing is not wrong, even crying is not wrong, not sure why people make a big deal about it. I'm a being after all.
And yes.. I'm expressing now.
Let me find my "click"
1 comment:
I am sure the person definitely miss your warmth too
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